Not quite a year ago I was sitting in the deli at United, a local supermarket, about to have a meeting with 2 of my employees when my phone rang with Daddy flashing on my screen's caller id. My heart immediately started to race. My daddy is really good about texting me every single day, but he rarely calls. I answered the phone with a catch in my throat and as expected it wasn't just a call to chat. He was calling to tell me my momma was in a helicopter on her way to Lubbock. She had suffered a brain bleed which was later diagnosed as a hemorrhagic stroke. In the months leading up to this event, we had noticed my momma was having a little trouble with her short term memory. We had thought it could possibly be related to seizure medication she was taking. However, after the stroke things have gotten progressively worse. Worse from day 1 post brain bleed, but even in the last couple of months things have drastically taken a turn for the worse.
My momma and daddy have had a deer lease for as many years as I can remember and until this last year they have spent every weekend Friday to Sunday on the lease. Hunting together, visiting with long-time friends, riding ATVs, cookouts for breakfast, lunch and dinner in the cook tent, relaxing and just enjoying life. In fact, the term 'deer lease' is so frequently used in their household that when my son-in-law first came into the family he asked one day "Who are the Deerly's and why have I never met them? They sound so fun!" We all laughed until we cried and some of laughed until we peed our pants!
This year hasn't been quite the same, my momma isn't able to go with my daddy most weekends. While this is sad, it also gives me a chance to spend some quality time with my momma while my daddy and brother-in-law go to the "Deerly's". In late November my momma came to stay with us for the first time this deer season. Our plan was for us (me, my sister and our daughters) to take my momma to do a little Christmas shopping for the Great-Grand-Babies. When it came time for us to load up and go, my momma just wasn't up to it. She was tired and confused and her body was full of aches and pains. We decided that momma and I would just hang out and everyone else could still go shopping.
Do you watch FRIENDS? I do.....a little too much. Seriously, I watch it every night. I have watched all the seasons from beginning to end more times than I can count. ANYWAY.......there is an episode where Phoebe is dating an enthusiastic guy named Parker (Alec Baldwin). Parker has an unrelenting cheery disposition. Parker is a lot to take, but one of the things I like about this character is he is constantly holding his hands up to his face like he is holding a camera and then pretends to take a picture. With each picture he says "Click". He explains that he just wants to remember the moment with a mental picture.
The night my momma and I hung back from shopping we had so much fun. We were driving down the street and chatting about Christmas lights and such. We got our giggle boxes turned over when we started singing The 12 Days of Christmas. When I was younger we heard a woman singing this song. Most of the song she would sing normal, but when she would sing "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree" she would really exaggerate her RRRRR's and her TTTHHHH's. I wish so badly I could type how it sounded. On the first day of CHRRREESTMAS my THRROOO love gave to me a PARRRRRTHREEEGE in a pear THHHRRREEEE. I guess you can kind of get my drift. We sang that line over and over and the more we sang the louder and more exaggerated we got. If you were driving past us that night, I am certain you would have thought we were high! We were very animated and laughing so much! As I glanced over at my momma I thought I want to remember this for the rest of my life.....CLICK!
Later that night we were sitting on the couch watching A CHRISTMAS PRINCE, eating
Sonic (my momma's absolute favorite treat) and talking. We got tickled again, about what I cannot remember, but my momma had her head back and the most beautiful smile on her face. I started to grab my phone to take a picture, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. Instead.....CLICK. Even as I type I may not be able to remember what we were laughing about, but clear as day I can see her radiant smile!
These moments are so precious. The night ended with my momma having a seizure and being scared and confused, so those sweet memories are worth more than anyone will ever know.
A couple of weekends ago, I went to stay with my momma while my daddy went hunting. They had originally planned on my momma going that weekend, but on Friday she just wasn't able to make it. Her knees are full of arthritis and were hurting her and she just wasn't up to the trip mentally or physically. This weekend was also filled with special memories and sad moments. My momma gets extremely confused and scared and weeps very often. It breaks my heart. She had several of these moments that weekend. When she woke up on Saturday morning she was convinced we had been in a plane wreck and she was so scared and crying so hard. I showed her that we were both ok and she was relieved, but still thought we had gone down in a plane. I couldn't convince her that we were sitting in her bedroom. These moments are not the kind of moments I wish to click. BUT.....oh I love big buts.....and I cannot lie! BUT.....we also had some really sweet moments. One moment started out as a weepy moment of my momma telling me how sad she was that she can't show my daddy how much she appreciates all he does for her. She said "I can't even make him a cake anymore." I promptly told her we could make a cake together. She in turn said "But I can't even stand in the kitchen to do it." I came back with....."Well, we can make it in the living room." She was so happy! If I had given her a million dollars I don't think she would have been any happier! So, I gathered the ingredients and brought them in the living room and we worked on the cake. She was stirring her little heart out when my daddy walked in the door. She was so very proud that he saw with his very own eyes that SHE was making HIM a cake. I hope it was the best cake he has ever tasted! Sometimes love looks like cake batter in the living room. CLICK!
This last weekend momma again came to stay with us and it was a hard weekend. She was sad more often than she was happy. There were many moments of tears and lots of confusion. BUT.....we also had moments of clarity and moments of sweet conversation. As we were driving to my daughter's house my momma was telling me how much she hated what was happening to her body and her mind. How she desperately wished she could be the woman she once was. How she has always been the caretaker and now it is so hard to let others care for her. I asked her if she remembered a season when my niece was having a particularly hard time and would get very anxious about going to school. She did remember. One of the many things I am grateful for is my momma's long term memory is still perfectly in tact. She remembers all of us and can tell you word for word stories from 50 years ago. Anyway, back to the time my niece was struggling; my momma gave her a bracelet with an angel on it and told her anytime she got anxious or worried or scared just remember the angel on her wrist and that Jesus is with her and is bigger than any of her fears. I told momma I didn't have bracelet to give her, but that we could make a pinky promise that every time she started to feel anxious or sad that she would remember that Jesus is with her and He is bigger than anything! We decided that each day we are going to choose joy and laughter over sadness and tears. We will remember our memories of happy days, because thankfully those are in tact! We will hook our pinkies together and promise to always love each other every time we see each other. We will virtually pinky promise on the phone when we are miles apart. As we hooked pinkies together at that red light, once again I thought this is a moment to cherish. CLICK!
I am happy to report that my momma has successfully remembered our pinky promise. I ask her every time I talk to her.....do you remember our pinky promise and then she tells me "We will choose to be happy and not sad. Jesus is always with us." I do wish I could say that there are no more tears or confusion or sadness, I can't. BUT.....Jesus loves us and we will choose joy over tears as often as we can.
Friends, remember what love looks like! It's not always hearts and roses and holding hands. Sometimes love is silly, sometimes it is pinky promises, sometimes it is patience, sometimes it is messy, sometimes love is sonic treats together, sometimes it is cake in the living room and sometimes it is just choosing joy.
iCloud can hold many pictures for us just like the ones of my momma stirring that cake, but sometimes being in the moment without your phone is more important. CLICK as many mental pictures as you can! Those pictures will float in our minds and hearts for a lifetime. Even when we can't remember how to use our phones or what day it is.......somewhere in our memories those moments are still there, still real and still alive.
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